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traycon300

Why, yes. I am insane.
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Rant

4 min read

I'm about to have a real-talk here, and if the idea of the LGBTQ+ community bothers you, don't bother to read this or comment on my post.

I wish I could post this rant on Facebook, I really do. But I'm friends with my hyper-religious family and a member of my mom's church, and the last thing I need is a come to Jesus talk.

So here's a little thing about me. I'm a lesbian. Coming out was hard enough for me to do with my hyper-conservative, hyper-religious mom, but here's some things I learned along the way:

Telling your family and friends anything but something along the lines of "Okay, I accept you" is only going to hurt your relationship in the long run. (Just don't go with my dad's "Okay" as if nothing is new and then have them question if the person really cares or not...) Don't ask "how do you know?" or "what makes you think that?" because all that will do is cause them to question everything again and again. Don't admit that you knew all along but continued to question them when they were younger because you "didn't want them to grow up in that community". Because life is tough, and you've gotta let your kid/friend be themselves. Though don't flat-out tell them "oh, you're gay/bi/pan/trans/whatever", either, because that may cause denial. Let them figure it out for themselves. (Fortunately my one friend thought it was best if I discover that I was a lesbian on my own, rather than tell me, because if she had, it would have pushed me into the closet further, most-likely. My bff had no clue, though, because I always dated guys. But my mother has said she didn't want me to have to "grow up in that community because life is hard enough". Multiple times.) Don't bring up the fact that they thought they were something else like ace or bi, because they were just trying to figure out exactly where they fit in in the world, because they knew they weren't straight, and you questioning every move they make makes it harder. (I only bring up ace and bi because those are what I thought I, personally, was. I am not trying to diss anyone's journey, nor am I trying to say that these are not valid things to be.) Don't remind them every conversation that you love them, but you "still consider it a sin". No matter how many times you tell them "I love you and want you to be happy" it doesn't matter. Because what if they get married or move in with their lover?

Don't say "oh, you'll meet a wonderful woman/man/trans-woman/trans-man/non-binary person/fill in the blank here because I'm blanking on if there are any other sexualities" when you still think it's wrong. Because what if they see that person every day and think to themselves: "Did I make the right choice? Should I have married/moved in with this person?" And that will drive a wedge further and further into their heart. And that wedge will come out. Whether it be between them and their lover/spouse, or between them and their family/friends, it doesn't matter. It will drive a wedge and people will get hurt. Especially them.


Just don't.


These are just some things I've personally experienced growing up in a very conservative religious household--at least on my mother's side of things. My dad could care less about religion. He's happy with his faith and doesn't feel the need to go to church, so he seems more supportive than my mom. I know she's trying, but still...I hate that every time we talk about the fact that I'm gay, the phrase "I still think it's a sin" comes up.


That's going to be a point of discussion today, when she gets up from her nap. I can guarantee it.

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So I have a Redbubble shop, and I'm particularly proud of the most recent work. If you like Animorphs, NIN or Boys II Men, I think you might appreciate it. Please excuse the other, horrible work... https://www.redbubble.com/people/traycon3/shop?asc=u

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I have changed my commissions a little and taken away the digital option, also changing the prices from the traditional to the digital pricing because...I never do digital. I've deleted my icon prices, also. 

As per usual, I don't mind taking payment after the product has been delivered. The payment must be made within two days of the completed drawing unless other arrangements have been made.

I will send updates and make any changes before completing and uploading the final product. 

Bust: $7


Bust Colored: $10

Commission - Concentration is Key... by traycon300  Commission - What Do You Want? by traycon300

 
Full Body: $17 

Commission - Tran by traycon300  Commission - Dimension Faux Pas by traycon300

Full Body Colored:$25 

Commission - Tobble by traycon300  Commission - Fun With a Firey Panther Demoness by traycon300

Full Body with Background: $40 

Full Body with Background Colored: $75 

Loving to Cruise - IP Pageant by traycon300  Shall we dance? by traycon300

Sketch-Dump: $50

That's All Folks by traycon300


No colors for sketch-dumps. Up to 3 characters included in a Sketch-Dump. Anything beyond, please see "Extra Characters" pricing.
 

Extra Characters: $5 for Busts, $10 for everything else, per character.

1. :icondraconwolf88:
 Traditionally Colorized Full Body artwork of Torvig. -COMPLETE-

References:

www.deviantart.com/glitchdove/…

christopherlbennett.files.word…

2. : :icondraconwolf88: - Traditionally Colorized Full Body of K'chak'!'op. -COMPLETE-

Reference:

christopherlbennett.files.word…

Make her chitin green.


3. 
:icondraconwolf88:Traditionally Colorized Full Body Artwork of Ree. -COMPLETE-

Reference for his face and color scheme:

www.deviantart.com/glitchdove/…

Reference for his body:

vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/ju…

Draw him with dexterous claw-like hands.

4. :icondraconwolf88: - Traditionally Colorized Full Body Artwork of Orilly Malar. -COMPLETE- 

Reference:

christopherlbennett.files.word…

Make her scales blue.

5. :icondraconwolf88: - Traditionally Colorized Full Body Artwork of Cethente. -COMPLETE-

Reference:

christopherlbennett.files.word…

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(Mentions vore but not in very descriptive context and mentions S&M. So if you don't wanna read, that's fine. Also don't worry. I have a separate account for all that stuff.)

So...I'm a lesbian. It took me almost 30 years to realize it, because of a number of things. 

For one, I've always been into vore. I told my mom this to see if I could gain some sense of...normality. My mom, as it turns out, is so fucking vanilla she doesn't know what to do. :/ I also mentioned that I MIGHT be into S&M. 

I'm a fucking virgin. 

I've mentioned to my mom that I've been feeling like I was attracted to women a number of times. The first few times it was "girls go through this phase" and "I went through that phase too". Part of the reason was because I was young and part of it was because I was mentally developmentally stunted by taking ECT for 3 years. If you don't know what that is, it's a controlled form of shock therapy designed to stimulate neural pahtways so people can take anti-depressants, among other things. It's not commonly used on 19-year-olds. 

What it did includes wiping a majority of my memories and stunting my development into adulthood. 

So I think at one point I mentioned in a journal that I was ace. I'm not, and the only reason I thought I was is because I have no sex drive thanks to a pill I take, which at the time I didn't realize. (Found it out when I was dealing with insurance being a bitch and my sex-drive kicked in full-force. :/ But during that time I did start to wonder--again--if I was bi.)

There was only one problem with me being bi. 

I had told my mom I thought I might be bi--again--when I was about 27. 

She told me to talk to my idiot therapist who seemed to spend more time talking to me about her other patients than actually helping me. (She never named names, but it was more like...I was her therapist than she was mine. :/ ) 

My mom was also seeing her. 

So anyway, talked to the therapist. She said to me, flat out, "You're not bi. You're straight. You're just confused because of your fetish-thing." (Oh, by the way when I described vore to her, she asked me if the cops ever got involved, and it took me a few moments to realize she thought I was in a fucking CULT or something that killed and ate women!) 

She also told my mom, "Your daughter's not bi, she's just got some problems." 

Mom believed her, and so did I, because she was my therapist. What reason would she have to tell me otherwise? 

But I began questioning a few months ago again, and have been seeing a new therapist, who has walked me through things like why I think I'm bi. If I'm really bi. Or am I really gay. (She even suggested I watch porn to see if I was attracted to guys, but that's another story.) I came out to my parents as bi partially because, well lesbians can be attracted to guys but not necessarily sexually. It happens. Plus, growing up Christian, I was always taught it was a sin to love another woman. So I sort of forced myself to like boys. But...looking back on it, I may have crushed on a few guys...even dreamed of marrying a guy, but the very thought of actually doing a guy never crossed my mind as something I wanted to do. 

So a few weeks later, I told my parents I was gay, and my mom later that week admitted she always suspected, but had also talked to my other therapist, who had said what I mentioned earlier. 

This actually came from a joke she made that was extremely distasteful because...well, my mom's not quite sure what to do. She's trying, she really is. And I understand. 

Anyway, the reason she made the joke about me switching around so much was apparently because I had switched between being bi and straight multiple times, and even said I was into S&M and being eaten. 

I...she...I nearly lost it when I realized she thought vore and S&M were sexualities, not sexual fetishes. I just looked at her and was like: Those are fetishes, Mom. If I ever really wanted to be eaten, I'd be locked in the loony bin. And I'm a virgin. I don't know if I'm actually into S&M or not. And I have that fetish. 

But anyway...I'm still coming out. I haven't come out on Facebook because I'm not sure if I want my grandmother to find out anytime soon...and I happen to be friends with a friend of hers because I was her friend until I flipped out on FB about something and she told me I could unfriend her. (Praise the Lord...) 

So now I'm trying to find free dating sites that cater to lesbians. That's been fun. 

Apparently I'm so fucked up in the head that Elite Singles thinks I won't find anyone on the site and suggested Christian Mingle along with other religious sites. :/ 

And Zoosk? Ha. I have to contact Customer Service to change my fucking preferences as to who I like. I mean, WTF?! That's just bullshit. 

Sooo if anyone has any suggestions on dating apps, I'm open. :/ I'm also contacting an old friend to ask her if she'll put me in touch with her lesbian sister and her partner for some advice and help. :/ 

Sorry for the dump/rant/whatever but I just needed it out and needed it said. 

I. Am. A. Lesbian. 

-t3
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Featured

Please check out my Redbubble Shop! by traycon300, journal

Commissions CLOSED! by traycon300, journal

My coming out was...weird... by traycon300, journal

Not Mine: Commission and Give away! by traycon300, journal

OC Interview with Milliz (Guest-Starring Zee) by traycon300, journal